Mom To The Rescue!

I can’t believe it’s been 3 weeks since my last post!! Really I thought it was only 2 and that was bad enough, but 3?! I should be ashamed! And I am. While I have my reasons for the hiatus (as usual) I’ve decided to wait another week to share them with you. Don’t worry, its all good, in fact some of it is super EXCITING!! (EEEE!) In the mean time, I leave you in the very capable hands (and feet?) of MOM who has a refreshingly comical way of looking at potentially disappointing occurrences. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

For Sale: Medieval Torture Devices

A few days ago, I did something completely out of character for me. In my older age, I love comfort. Nothing makes me feel more comfortable than a pair of worn flip-flops. Why else would we live in Florida?

We have an EVENT coming up this weekend, which requires something a little more sophisticated than flip-flops; so, I went shopping for some sensible but somewhat attractive shoes. That’s when they caught my eye – the cutest pair of high-heeled sandals — and in MY size. I’m not too old to look tall and elegant, am I? Shakily, I tried them on. They were very good-looking on my pedicured feet. I felt a little pinch on the little toes, but nothing a bandaid or two won’t cure. With glee and a little guilt, I purchased my new high-heeled shoes.

The event is in a few days, so I donned my new shoes to break them in. After six seconds, I put bandaids on my pinkie toes. Ten seconds later, I slapped bandaids on the instep; a few steps later, bandaids on the heels. Now I have mummy feet dressed in cute little shoes. No problem. They just need to be worn awhile to stretch out.

I have no fear of heights. I have stood toe to glass in some of the world’s tallest buildings and looked straight down. I have flown in gliders, small planes, and helicopters. Nothing made me as dizzy as elevating my heels three inches. I walked into the kitchen, hanging on to the walls, with tiny steps and dizzy head. I felt motion sickness coming on, and reached for the Dramamine. By now, I was more determined than ever to BREAK these shoes in and get used to them.

Have you ever done laundry in high heels? Do you know that when you bend down from the added height, you have a lot farther to bend than normal? I held on to the dryer to keep from toppling over. I pulled laundry into the basket one-handed, dizzy-headed, and noticing a slight pain in the Achilles tendons of both legs.

When I straightened up, I saw that my hot-pink-tipped, pedicured toes were dead white. You’d think if they were dead, there would be no feeling. Oh, no! Each mincing step shot lightning bolts of pain into my poor, zombie toes. The pad of my foot spoke LOUDLY in protest. I ignored their accusatory complaints because I am determined to BREAK IN these blankety-blank cute little shoes!

From the kitchen to the bedroom to the living room – I straightened the house, did laundry, fixed breakfast, washed dishes, and finally – FINALLY – sat down at the computer for a much longer stay than I had planned. If I sit through the entire event we’re going to, I should be able to show off my cute little shoes with minimal anguish. Right?

Do you know that as your feet swell, the straps of fancy little sandals do NOT stretch to accommodate the swelling? Now I have FAT dead-looking feet sticking out of these cute little shoes.

I no longer want to break the shoes in before the event. I simply want to BREAK them. Take them off! Soak fat feet in a cold bath! Rip the bandages off and wait for relief, and wriggle my newly freed toes in comfy flip-flops.

Seriously, does anyone want to buy a barely-worn pair of medieval torture devices with cute little restraining straps and three-inch spikes? Size 7 ½ wide, they should fit just fine. Bwaahaaahaaahaaaahaaaaaa.


Tight Rolling

Thanks to my youngest son’s fashion sense (black hi-top sneakers with neon green accents)I coerced my co-workers into a conversation the other night about fashion repeating itself. I’m a firm believer that there are just some things that should be left in the 80’s and 90’s, although I have to admit, E (said son) can totally pull off the neon. There is actually only ONE thing I dread returning to the fashion world and that’s tight rolled jeans. Apparently, I have felt this way a LONG time because I just stumbled upon a post I wrote in 2008 about exactly that. So I decided that tonight I am going to re-post my 5 year old rantings because they still apply. Enjoy!

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine was trying out a new style. She is a beautiful young woman and she totally pulled it off. She was wearing skinny jeans that were folded at the bottem so that they almost looked rolled up. Like I said, she looked great but it immediately brought back images of junior high (late 80′s, early 90′s) and tight rolled jeans. I said as much and everyone looked at me like I had gone batty (which is a look I receive often enough to know what it means). So, my question is: does anyone else remember that horrific time in fashion, besides myself? And did it traumatize you as much? I made the statement that if the tight rolled jean look repeats, as fashion has a tendency to do, I am leaving the planet. I hope no one in that room holds me to it however, since the technology is just not available to sustain life on the moon at this time.

It did bring up another question though. Why does it seem that only the fashions from the 60′s on are repeating? There are so many generations before that time that have great fashion to offer. I don’t see any problem in greeting my husband at the door after a long day of work in a 50′s style dress with accompanying pearls and high heels. It’s actually a testament to our femininity that we are able to vacuum, prepare dinner and take care of the kids in said fashion. Or what about the flapper style of the 20′s? Women really broke the mold then, claiming independence from the expected fashion of the day. All this to say to those that have influence in what’s in style….PLEASE don’t bring back the tight rolled jeans!!!!!

I guess I was a little less wordy back then. Anyway, I’d love to know what your fashion fears are, if any, or what fashion you would love to see again. Please let me know in the comments section below. By the way, I hear Fanny Packs are BACK!