It has been my intention to write about this subject for a while now, but every time I sit down to do it I freeze. Not because I am afraid of the subject, but because I want this blog to be relateable to people from all backgrounds and it distresses me to think that something I write could be alienating. That and the fact that this subject is highly controversial in certain circles I run in (and it may be a little more revealing than I am comfortable with). But this is a blog about my journey and its something I’ve had to think a lot about so here it is: How I Decided to “Live in Sin”.
As many of you may know (I’ve alluded to it several times in my posts) I am a Christian. Just by writing that I am curious as to how many reading this want to hit the “x” on their browser tab. Let me say that unfortunately I can understand. I am often disgusted with how Christians portray themselves and their beliefs. Please know that they do NOT represent all Christians. In fact, I believe that the Christians who act most like “Christians” are the ones that you don’t see in the media. They are the ones that love without judgement. They are those that give freely of themselves to others without expecting anything in return. They are quietly praying for the ones they love (and even those they don’t particularly like at all). They realize that no matter how “good” they are they are still sinners and aren’t better than anyone else. More than anything they want you to have the freedom, peace and joy they get from having a relationship with God.
That being said, having grown up in churches and reading the Bible for myself I know that there are several things that are no-no’s in the life of a Christian. Let’s say for instance “living in sin”, which by the way is a term I HATE because aren’t we all living in sin one way or another everyday? How many of you went over the speed limit today? Did you know that is breaking the law of the land and is therefore a “sin”. If you look at ALL the things we are not supposed to do, and the likelihood of being able to follow ALL the rules, you can see why we needed someone to save us from ourselves.
I never intended to live with a man I wasn’t married to. It was one of my rules for myself that I was going to stick to since I had broken so many others. When it came time to rent an apartment with my fiance before my wedding I didn’t move in until I was actually married. That doesn’t mean I didn’t spend A LOT of time there, but I stayed with my parents for several weeks before the wedding. It was fun picking out the furniture and setting up everything before I moved in. There was so much excitement in the anticipation of living with my husband. Too bad that when I finally moved in (when it was too late to back out) it became apparent how incompatible we were when it came to living together. No worries though, right? I mean we had the rest of our lives to work on it. In truth, I don’t know that it ever got easier in the 12 years we were married.
Which brings me to the present. While I still did not intend to live with someone who was not my husband, after meeting B and realizing that this was serious, I also realized that I did not want to spend the rest of my life trying to make it work with another person after it was too late. I wanted to make sure that the next time I say “I Do” it’s with the knowledge that I can live in peace with him. I am happy to report so far so GREAT! I am not naive to think that we will never run into difficulty with sharing the same space, but I am hopeful that already, more than half a year into it, we co-exist very nicely. And maybe more importantly, he and my boys still love each other.
I know all the arguments for not living together especially where religion is involved. Thankfully I’m not religious. The relationship I have with God negates religion. He has given me free will to make decisions, and while I know LOTS of people disagree, this decision is the best one for me and my family. The best part is I don’t feel guilty about it thanks to the freedom I have in Jesus.
This lifestyle choice is not for everyone. I am not pushing my decision on anyone else. I believe that people are responsible for their own choices and therefore need to make the best decision for them as individuals. If you are a Christian then ideally the decisions you make will be prayerfully made, and you will have a peace about them when they are the right one. Also as a Christian, my hope is that you will not judge others that make decisions you do not agree with. In fact, that is when you are given a perfect opportunity to be an example of Christ by loving without judgement.