I AM SO EXCITED!!! Today I get to feature my very first guest blogger (something I hope to do much more of). My dear friend,super talented photographer and mother to the sweetest little boy took time in her busy schedule to share a story with us. It is a great example of how growing up sometimes means knowing when to let go. I seriously enjoyed reading it and I know you all will too. Without further ado please welcome Simo…
If you had asked me before my lunch break this afternoon if I would ever write a blog entry my answer would have been unequivocally, without a shadow of a doubt, absolutely, NO! However, it would only be Dyana who could coerce me into something that I loathe doing: writing. Thing is, to be quite frank, I am not that deep. I don’t have many “AH HAH!” moments in my life. I have had lots of adventures. I have seen lots of places. But in reality I learn life’s lessons relatively well and come out reasonably unscathed with my emotions intact. Since story telling is what I do, I will tell you all the adventure of a most torrid love affair. I will call it…
Happily Never After
We all have that one first love. I was 12 years old when I saw him standing on the football field in Trexler Middle red and white. I was the typical dingy 7th grader pining for the 8th grade upperclassman. I saw an aura glowing around him and angels singing “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH”. It was a magical moment
when I set my eyes on… let’s just call him…“Jaden” for all intents and purposes. I told myself one day he will be mine.
That one day came my freshman year in high school during football season. I was officially floating on cloud 9. I loved being able to stay out late watching his football games, basketball games, and baseball games. I got to be his homecoming date. I just loved being his little girlfriend. However, those were a short lived 6 months. Just as quickly as he came into my life he was out. All due to a rotten piece of CANDY who gave him something sweet to eat and I didn’t. (Insert tragic crescendo here). But that was ok. I wasn’t that bent out of shape. I realized swiftly we were kids and right now wasn’t our time because he had to “sow his wild oats”.
Throughout the 4 years of high school, though we weren’t dating, there was still something there. An unrelenting magnetism always drawing us together, sneaking kisses, quick make-out sessions, mini dates, etc. Which had me convinced when prom time came around he would ask me to prom, right?
Now, I can say I was officially crushed. I even cried for the first time over him. The girl he took was hideous. I can’t help but laugh though because little did that girl know…I stole kisses from him that night too. This was only the beginning of a sordid 15 year relationship.
Shortly there after he graduated and went off to college. We didn’t talk the entire year. I thought he had forgotten about me, but I never forgot about him. It wasn’t until Christmas of my senior year when I finally saw him again. Do you think I learned my lesson? Nope. I saw him and fell for him all over again. I dove head first into it and then he was gone again like the wind. I didn’t have a number, an address, not a thing. Only the sweet taste of his mouth on mine.
I too graduated and went to college. It was two years before I saw him again at Christmas time. I resolved to act appropriately and not let him get to me this time. Epic fail! I folded up as I always did. He was so cute. Actually, cute was turning into handsome as he was starting to get a feel for the man he was becoming. However, I was still trying to figure out who I was as a woman and he was the only man who had ever made an impression on me that actually meant something. I had dated other guys. I’d traveled the world. But he was always in the back of my mind. So when I saw him that night I just had to ask if he thought of me too. He said he did. He wanted us to be together but our circumstances wouldn’t allow it. There was no way we could have been faithful to each other and we both knew it. He said he would call me and see me from time to time. However, once we went our separate ways he was gone again, just like the wind. It would be 3 years before I talked to him again.
After college I moved to Germany to play professional soccer. I got a Facebook account to reconnect with friends while I was overseas. Guess who was suggested to me as a friend? Well, well if it wasn’t Jaden. Handsome just upgraded to FINE. We chatted casually throughout my year overseas. It was nothing serious just two friends reconnecting. One thing I can say hands down is he was the BEST friend a girl could ever have but the WORST boyfriend material in AMERICA. I won’t say the whole world just yet (wink).
Upon return from my year spent traveling Europe I moved to Raleigh NC. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you but Jaden lived a mere 8 miles away from me in the same city. Of course I had no will power and called him immediately. He helped me move into my first apartment and I almost cried when he walked through my door again after 5 YEARS. He was a very welcome sight for very sore eyes. The boy, now a man, and the girl, now a woman, finally staring each other face to face. You could feel the unresolved tension between us and could cut it with a knife. I’m so glad we were able to play it cool because mom and dad were also at my apartment that day.
That entire year felt like old times and we just picked up were we left off. I called him my daytime boyfriend because he always went home at night. What we had was a friendship not a relationship. We vowed not to cross that line again and just be best-friends. We hung out, watched movies, ate dinner, shopped, worked out, went to bars, etc. Then it happened, the line was blurred. Once again we didn’t know what to call ourselves anymore. We weren’t dating but we were certainly more than “just friends”. We were playing house and saw how happy our lives could be together. He told me he was all in and asked if I was. Was I? For the first time in 13 years I hesitated. The little 12 yr old girl finally got her man 13 yrs later but I was scared. There he was, the man of my dreams. He finally chose me, wanted only me and I couldn’t do it.
I am sure you’re wondering WHY?! Well, I had already been hurt too many times by broken promises. I had been cheated on, forgotten about, stood up, and left behind. I was never a priority and it was hard for me to believe him when he said I would be, though I wanted to with all my heart. My head hit the brakes and I came to a screeching halt. That screeching halt had a name: Deacon.
He was tall, handsome, smart, a gentleman, and someone who put me first from the first time he met me. He always told me the truth even when it meant me being angry with him. My head could really see a real future with him. I was literally trying to figure all this out in a mere few seconds. Deacon or Jaden?
The girl in me would always choose Jaden, but I wasn’t a little girl anymore. The woman I was knew her worth. She was over being hurt and manipulated. Though it broke my heart and I lost my best friend, I knew our time had passed. It still took me 2 more years to push Jaden completely out of my life. I will never forget that last phone call I made before I changed my address, email, and phone number. I told Jaden how he meant everything to me once and I loved him. However, he could not remain in my life or he would ruin what I had with Deacon (our friendship only ever ruins the relationships we are in.) I saw myself marrying Deacon one day. I told him that this would be the last time I would ever talk to him. We are too old to be acting like kids anymore and I would not jeopardize the things God was blessing me with.
Days turned into months, turned into years, and I had all but forgotten about Jaden. Then one day the phone rang and like the wind there he was. He said he had gotten my number from a cousin and he wanted to tell me he was getting married. To my surprise I felt a twinge of sadness followed by overwhelming happiness for him. I was so happy that he was going to have a loving wife as I had a loving husband and son. He said now that I am getting married this means we could be friends again right? I said I wish I could be but our time has passed and that is ok. We didn’t need each other anymore because our lives were already full of people who loved and cared about us enough. He said he understood but I know he didn’t really. After he hung up I wanted to call him back and make him feel better like I always did, but I did not. I instead sat in the rocking chair on my porch and I saw my husband playing with my son through the window while making dinner and it filled me with gladness. I realized that what I had was all a little homeless girl from Bahia could ask for. A beautiful home, a loving husband in Deacon, and the wonderful son he gave me.
**Editor’s note: In case you are wondering about the title as I was “Graphophobia” is the fear of writing and “Collywobbles” is pain in the stomach or bowels. I don’t know what she’s talking about though since I think she is as great a story teller in writing as she is in person. If you have an encouraging story you’d like to share please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.