I Am NOT A Cougar!

The cat’s out of the bag! My boyfriend (who from this moment forward will be known as “B” instead of “Tall Blonde”) is 9 years younger than me. Go ahead, I give you permission to make any “cougar” comment you want. I’m over it. You know why? Cause  according to the About.com Women Issue’s definition of cougar I do NOT fit the bill.

1. Most cougars are in their 40’s and older – I am not yet 40.
2. The age difference between cougar and conquest is at least 10 years – there are ONLY 9 years between us.
3. He’s not young enough to be my son, I did not steal him from my daughter and I don’t wear animal print clothing.

There, I rest my case! And please, nothing about “the lady doth protest too much”. I’m just saying 🙂

To be honest, I never thought we’d get as close as we did as fast as we did. I laid it all on the table from the first conversation: I’m 36 (at least I was at the time) and I have 3 kids. There! That should have scared off even the bravest of men, but he didn’t even flinch…at least not on the outside. Instead he asked me about my kids. He told me about his love of horror movies and I told him of my detest of all things horror. I told him my favorite read at the time was dare I say it?…the Twilight series (I’m really outing myself right now…please don’t judge me), he told me his favorite read was “Blankets” a graphic novel (yes like a comic book).  And on it went.  The one thing we agreed on was music. Not big fans of country or rap.

Nevertheless the interest in one another increased and before you knew it I was reading my very first graphic novel. IT WAS AWESOME. I devoured it in 3 hours (that only means something if you could see how fat the book is). And naturally since he lent his most favorite book to me I HAD to give him my number. I mean, if I lent my favorite book to someone I’d want to make sure I could get a hold of them to get it back, right? Hehe. I’m glad I did because not long after I gave his book back he had to go out of town for 3 weeks. In case you are ever wondering, nightly 4 hour phone calls are great for two things: getting to know a person and producing dark circles under the eyes!

That’s how it all began. In spite of the significant age gap, we connected on a level I didn’t know was possible. And while we have very different views in several areas, we share similar sensibilities allowing us to accept each others differences and respect each others views. I am still floored by how easy it’s been to get along with and love a man that doesn’t share my faith and opposes me politically, yet a marriage that was based on the foundation of a shared faith and political views was impossible to keep together. I have some theories on why, but mostly they lead to more questions. For instance can two people who are “unevenly yoked” have a successful relationship/marriage? (I’m not asking for opinions here, I’ve heard plenty of those already). What I can say about it is I’m willing to find out with B because what we have is working beautifully despite the popular belief that it shouldn’t be working at all.

My hope in revealing so much of my relationship is to encourage anyone who is thinking about dating again to be open to the possibilities. Really consider what a healthy match for you looks like. Spend time talking to the person A LOT before you go the next step. Don’t be ruled by the “wish list” you created, it may cause you to miss out on something incredible. Try peeking realistically into your future with the person of interest, does it look like the relationship you just got out of? If so I would suggest you do an about face and RUN! If the relationship doesn’t bring out the best in you it isn’t worth it! When you have one that is you’ll know it.


3 thoughts on “I Am NOT A Cougar!

  1. Nice post. I dated someone 13 years my junior and don’t consider myself a cougar either! Just like you, we connected on levels that I didn’t think possible. I have a whole new perspective on dating and relationships now. A healthy match doesn’t necessarily mean someone who is within 5 years or so of your age. It’s about emotional and spiritual chemistry (in addition to the physical!). I dated someone 11 years my senior as well (long term), and we were disconnected as far as communication. Age – ain’t nothing but a number.

    • Thank you. It warms my heart to hear of other women’s experiences with dating younger men since it’s only recently become more common (at least to my knowledge). It was definitely something I had to get over, but B made it easy on me. I totally agree that age is just a number. 🙂

  2. If you want to fully experience what God has for you, you have to be open to the possibilities. Only He knows where this journey will take you and B (I like Tall Blond), but we can be sure that ALL things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. I pray that B, who knows about God, opens his heart to receive Him and finally experiences the joy and enlightenment that only happens when we surrender. Love you both!

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